Why “Ban Bossy” misses the mark

I’ve been bossy since…forever.

I’m also loud, ambitious, direct, and pushy.
None of these words being ascribed to me bother me.


Well…maybe for the initial few moments. But then I look at the actions that spawned that word, mull it over, and decide if someone actually means “rude” “sharp” “mean”. I look at the context of the word, and decide if me toning my natrually bossy personality down would help or hurt a situation.  Which, for the record, is a valuable skill. Being bossy isn’t always the best way to approach a situation. Neither is being a “leader” (Which is what people call bossy boys)

Bossy is not about me.

Bossy is about the person calling me bossy.

The person using that word could be: threatened by women in leadership roles, annoyed that I’m talking back, irritated that I’m “a dog with a bone”, or think it’s flat out wrong that I’m terrible at loading the dishwasher and great at running an event.

But those idiotic fears have nothing to do with me.

There’s always going to be a word for ‘Bossy’. We can’t ban them all.

There’s always going to be someone trying to tear you down. Rather than banning the word, let’s teach our girls to ignore the word, and ignore the idiots saying it. Because eventually, if using the word doesn’t get the desired effect (marginalizing women) people will try and find a new way. And our girls will ignore that. And they’ll try a new way. And we’ll ignore that. And then they’ll be so out of touch that those idiotic opinions will go the way of history.

Instead of banning bossy. Let’s teach girls

To be strong, kind, dedicated leaders.

To jump in with both feet and figure it out as they go along.

To be bossy leaders that spawn more bossy, kind, dedicated leaders.

Hell, let’s teach that to all the children.

I’m not worried about someone calling me bossy.

Because if someone is calling me bossy, they are exactly the kind of person who’s opinion I don’t give a rat’s ass about.

That is what we should be teaching our girls.