I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but there has been a lot of noise on the internet lately about marriage, and when the perfect age for women to get married is.
The short answer to this question of course is: There is no perfect age.
But that would make for a crappy blog post.
Look, marriage is great. But just like you can’t control 99% of the things that happen in your life…you can’t control when you find someone you want to be with forever*
When I got engaged my friend teased me to no end about it. Not because they weren’t happy for me, but because I was the girl who adamantly said “I am not getting married before 30. Not happening”. (They were kind about it, perhaps because they thought they’d scare me off otherwise….)
But you know what happened? My husband. Marrying him is, unquestionably, the best decision I have ever made.**
I just happened to be 23 when we started dating. If I’d been 23 and dating someone else? I wouldn’t be married right now.
So there’s that.
And there’s this.
There’s a conversation that’s not being had, that needs to be.
Marriage is HARD folks.
And that doesn’t mean that my marriage is in trouble, or that it is not as good or wonderful as anyone else’s. It means I’m honest. Marriage is hard. It is hard to take someone else’s needs and think about them when you’re planning. It is hard to not yell when the person you’re with doesn’t do something you asked them to do. It’s hard when one of you works until 1 a.m. in the morning, or is so stressed they haven’t done the dishes all week.
But thinking of someone else, biting your tongue and waiting up to drive someone home from work…they somehow make the good parts happen more often.
Like, laughing at my husband’s goofy faces. Or, laughing hysterically at something that no one but the two of us would find funny. Making plans for the future and watching my husband be patient when my baby fever flares up (It’s real y’all.)
There needs to be some real, honest discourse about marriage. Not people spewing forth opinions based on their own experience. Marriage is personal and hard, and what works for you won’t necessarily work for others. It’st time we respect that and start having discussions not lectures.
So. Let’s talk about marriage y’all.
*Notice the lack of words: soul mate and fall in love. That’s intentional.
**Just ask my parents. 🙂